Here We Go

my love for the big blue bags and last minute ponderings

I suppose it’s one of the most universal experiences of having young adult children headed to college: Preparation for drop-off.

The errand running and list-making and last-minute Amazon orders and the Sunrise, Sunset of it all. My brain has been in preparation mode for the better part of two months. With maybe a dash of denial. 

“If we don’t think of it and pretend to be busy doing anything else at all times, then it’s not really happening. Shhhh.”

Our preparation is now complete, and the big day is almost here. I have so many thoughts, and processing them will take lots of time and contemplation. None of which I’m allowing for at the moment. For now, I’ve been trying to just be present. Isn’t that what everyone says we’re supposed to do? (In fact, I think I may have said it myself at some point.) Don’t think too far ahead, and enjoy what’s right here and now, right? Easier said than done.

And as great as it sounds, it’s impossible. At least for me. My brain can’t just sit stagnant in this moment. But I don’t think that’s actually what I want anyway.

The truth is, even though I’m walking through what feels like one of the most unnatural experiences I’ve ever encountered, what a blessing it truly is to see your children to adulthood. I cry and grieve for the end of a beloved season, while I also celebrate and feel such gratitude for the milestone we have reached. And I do. Frequently. 

I’ve told several people recently that the anticipation is by far the most difficult part. My daughter’s school starts a bit later, so by this point we’re biding our time, just waiting for moving day. I’ve been watching other parents post all the pictures on social media. The dorm photos, the cute room decor, and cars stuffed with the infamous big blue bags.

If you are moving a kid to college, the big blue bags are an Amazon treasure and worth every cent. And I don’t get paid by Amazon for saying so - they’re just that good.

Anyway, we’ve been through this before. One year ago, we left our oldest daughter at her dorm and made the 9 hour drive back home. I know how this goes. I know what to expect. And still, I don’t know that I’ll truly be fully prepared for that goodbye moment. 

And for a variety of other reasons, this week has been on emotional steroids. I’m sure the details will make their way to a blog post eventually. But for now, I’m enjoying the last few days with our youngest child at home before she moves 850 miles away.

I ask her to run errands with me when I can, because that’s when the best conversations unfold. I stare at her a little longer when she thinks I’m not looking. I drop everything I’m doing when she asks me to watch an episode of Gilmore Girls (which we’ve seen eleventy-billion times).

There will be ample time to be productive and explore whatever God will call me to in this next season, but those things aren’t for right now. Right now, I’m thanking Him for the seasons life brings and asking Him to prepare my heart for what’s ahead.

So here we go, taking brave steps forward, while carrying one big blue bag at a time.